You're not Rosa Parks

from Women Who Lead With Their _ _ _ _ _ Lose High Value Men | Is She Really Single By Choice?
October 6, 2021

Caller: Hi, Mr. Samuels.

KS: Did you see your video?

Caller: No.

KS: So you didn't see your video. Oh Lord have mercy.

Caller: What video? The replay after the video that I spoke on?

KS: Yep.

Caller: Yeah, and I was absolutely mortified about it.

KS: Why? It's the same video that’s up.

Caller: Because... I know...After I really reflected on what I said that night and I was just like...

KS: OK.

Caller: I've replayed it and I just felt terrible about the things that I said. It just wasn't good. It just wasn't kind and it wasn't good.

KS: Okay. But was it true?

Caller: The things that I said... Well, when I said things in regards of status, I did agree...

KS: OK.

Caller: That those things were true, but that's just not my place to talk on it.

KS: OK.

Caller: It's not my place. I'm not a white woman dealing with a white, a black man. So that's not my place, so for me to be some type of way.

KS: All right, go ahead. But see, if you hadn't had that conversation, you wouldn't have had a chance to reflect.

Caller: Right.

KS: So what you got on this topic?

Caller: Women that lead with their money, their pockets...

KS: Mm-hm.

Caller: Can't get a high value man.

KS: It's not just money. It's money, their accomplishments, their career, their sexuality, kids, that kind of stuff. So you lose opportunities for high value men when you lead with all that stuff. Go ahead.

Caller: So... OK, so I understand where you say that every single thing that, you know, when we go through these transitions and so say you have a kid, that's a point off and you know, you're a little bit older, that's a point off. But do you literally just ex somebody out? If it's, if you have, you meet somebody and you have great chemistry...

KS: OK, all right. See, before you ask the question you're already answering it. Yes, and that's the hard thing. You know the answer. That's why you're already going to frame the narrative. You answered the question yourself: If you already have a kid and you're older, does that mean... That you got a kid and it's older and people don't want that stuff? I mean, if you meet somebody, you're already going to answer what you already know. Why is it so hard to just accept...

Caller: But there are high-value...

KS: No, but why is it just so hard to accept... If you made choices that affect the overall chances of you getting somebody quote-unquote “high value” and number one. Number two, why do you need somebody high-value? Why do you need all that money? Are you planning on having any additional kids?

Caller: Are you asking me in particular?

KS: Yes, yes, yes.

Caller: Absolutely.

KS: How old are you again? I forget how old you were.

Caller: I’m thirty.

KS: OK. See, the issue is so many women want a high-value lifestyle, the ability to not have to work, the ability, the choice to stay at home and raise their children, the ability to stay in a nice suburban area, send their kids to a good school, to not have to struggle, all those things. Great. But most women cannot make that happen through their own resources. They have to get it from a man. Would you agree or disagree?

KS: She muted herself. Unmute yourself. Would you agree that most women cannot do that for themselves?

Caller: Support themselves financially?

KS: No. I asked a very simple question. Most women want a high-value lifestyle, meaning the ability to not have to work, meaning the ability to stay home and raise their children, meaning the ability to live in a suburban home or a nice community that feeds into a nice private or public school, overall to just not have to suffer and live an above middle-class a lower upper-class lifestyle. A lot of women would like that. But most women cannot make the money to afford to do that by themselves.

Caller: Correct.

KS: So they got to get it from a man.

Caller: Correct.

KS: So, if you got to get all of that from a man, the man needs to get what he wants from you: no children, your youth. See, we're okay with telling, letting the women hear what they want to hear. But when you, when a man says: I want you to have no other man's child because nature doesn't do that and I want you to be younger so I can have, I want you, I want your youth for me. I want your womb for me because I'm paying the bill for a lifetime. Why is it so hard for you ladies just to understand that this is what men want and when you want somebody that has those kind of, has the ability to do that, they can demand a high price.

KS: She muted herself again. Why are you keep muting yourself?

Caller: Sorry, my little one just woke up. That's why. I just didn’t want that in the background.

KS: OK. Will you get them things out the camera? Seriously though, I mean seriously, why is that so hard for women to understand or accept?

Caller: OK, so I feel like growing up has been pushed on black women to succeed and be successful and we've had to work so hard for all of our accomplishments and then it's almost like once we get our accomplishments and things that...

KS: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm gonna push back heavily on this. You are not your mother or your grandmother's generation. Black women today don't have to work like their mother, their grandmother, and great grandmother. You ain't picking cotton. You ain't riding on the back of no bus. You're going to school and then you're going to college. You're doing the same thing everybody else is doing. Stop pulling struggles from other generations and taking advantage of those. I cannot stand when y'all do that because you ain't had to struggle like that. Go ahead.

Caller: No, no, I didn't necessarily have to pick cotton or anything like that. But...

KS: Did you have to work any harder than a Chinese, a Hispanic woman, a Asian woman, a Middle Eastern woman, or a white woman?

Caller: I’m Jamaican. I work like a Jamaican. I’ll say that.

KS: OK, but you’re in this country. Did you go to a public school?

Caller: I went to a private boarding school.

KS: Oh, you went to a boarding school. That's right, you went to a boarding school, an all-female boarding school where you saw affluent people. You had an above average shot and you still decided to do stuff that you didn't see. True or false?

Caller: True.

KS: So you've had opportunities that a lot of black women could not get because you went to boarding school, but you still, you're the woman that had a child and you were the second wife to a guy who was a Muslim. You didn't get married so you don't have benefit of legal marriage. You don't have the name on the deed or all this other kind of stuff and you have a child. But you saw it done the right way and you came in here talking about these women have family members and friends who can open doors and do all that kind of stuff. When you saw that, why didn't you just do that then?

Caller: Marry into a wealthy family?

KS: No, no, no, no. You saw how families worked. You saw how it worked when you do things a better way and the outcomes. Why did you decide to do it this way? Because you actually saw it. Some people just see it on TV or in movies.

Caller: Well, my decision with having my child was two things. I had her when I was 25...

KS: Right, so you didn't have it as a teenager, so you were an adult.

Caller: Correct. And I felt like at 25... I mean I wish that your show had been around five years ago.

KS: But here's the thing man, my show didn't need to be around. You were in an affluent boarding school. Was anybody pregnant in that boarding school?

Caller: No.

KS: No. You saw what they were going to do. You had the ability to go to college after high school, after boarding school. You chose not to. You chose not to go. You chose to go do retail and live the life you lived. But you had the knowledge. You had the doors open and everything else. So forgive me if I cannot sit back and cry a trail of tears. You've had opportunities. Have you used them?

KS: I'm gonna move on. High-value men have to use their opportunities. See, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but so many of you ladies want to come in and: It's so hard out here being a single mother. Well, you shouldn't have had a baby before getting married. You're not Rosa Parks. You're not walking or sitting in the back of the bus, getting spit on in the diner. You're an American citizen going to public schools. You're trying to live off of the suffering of previous generations because here's the reality. You ready? Far too many of our black women have believed and been fed this victim narrative, the perpetual special victim. So when somebody comes along and starts saying the truth, the first thing you want to do is walk back and say: It's so hard. We're a victim. I'm a victim. I'm a victim. It's my skin color. It's my skin tone. It's because of racism, white supremacy and it's like: Well wait a minute. No, that's not your life. That's not what happened with you. You had those opportunities and even when you've done what you've done in your life, you...Too many of our women want somebody else to come in and be the clean-up man. And men are not wanting to come and be the clean-up man and take care of another man's child. And this should only make sense. But here's the problem: If so many of our black women would just understand that you're not superior to black men and you need them, it will be easier for you to get yourself in line and be able to deal with them. But so many of our sisters feel like they're up here and feel like black men are down here. Even when you get a level set, you still are far away from humility. The gap is huge. When honestly this man is right here and you've decided to have a child and you're a certain age, you're down here. You should be thankful that you can even get a man, because one out of four black women get married, instead of just saying: I'm... How many times have you heard... I say: Would you be happy or OK? You're an older woman with children, you don't need a high-value man. You make $50,000 a year. Would you not be just happy with a regular everyday black man who's making $50,000, too? Oh no! And they say it like: Are you crazy? I only get an average everyday man making 50? Well then, great. Black men are tired of feeling like they're not good enough for you guys. Y’all walk around here like butter won’t melt... Some of you walk around here like butter won't melt in your mouth. You've heard on YouTube to where you’ve even got ratched ass women talk about: I don't want a man that's got a nine to five. I need somebody to make me 50,000. I need you, I need that fast money, quick money. That woman had, you know, looked like Betty Boop with her hair slicked. I'm like: Are you, have you looked in the mirror? You talk about you need somebody that you get you 50,000 and black men are just saying: Y'all are, no. But here's the thing: Far too often you point and say something is wrong with black men and then OK, fine. Then where the other men coming to scoop y'all up? Where's Waldo? Where all these other guys since though you want to get away from Blackistan and black man is this, OK. Where’re all the other guys? The other men are like: Shit. So now you're like: Now we got to settle for this? You ain't settling. You’d be lucky. You'd be fortunate. You’d be blessed. And see, that hit your spirit a certain kind of way and that just shows you the level of disdain and contempt far too many of our women have for the black male image. That's unnatural. That's unhealthy, to have that kind of contempt for an image. Not a man, an image.